My love for writing began when I was child.
I had a challenging family dynamic and my mood and physical surroundings were changing. My Mom, brother and I moved from Brooklyn the year after 9/11 to Houston, TX. I had plenty to say and I was terrified to mouth the words. Not having the courage to share my unfiltered point of view—- birthed the desire to write. So I’d print emotional loops across the page, some neat, some sporadic. All these emotions were hidden in a journal and then when I got a computer in my room, I’d write stories and poems on Word documents. My poetic confessions go back to floppy disks and jumbo head monitors.
*This blog weighs 140 lbs, it’s precious to me and it means sharing with myself and anyone reading the woman I’m becoming. Now, I have the courage to write. But, do I have the courage to complete a marathon? I’m more of a stealthy speed walker. Running hurts like suffering through a deliberate hell. It’s fun at first when you realize that you can actually pickup your feet and catapult yourself across pavement like a free roaming giddy child. Then when the runners high fades, all you feel is the shocking pain as your feet tap across the gravel. Wow, why am I doing this, why am I running?
I’m more of a stealthy speed walker than a runner. Give me a cool sunny day and a scenic path and these legs will leap for miles.True inner thoughts.
Even though running hurts, people do it. They deal with the drudgery because they have a purpose. They are fully aware, why they’re running and when they train they’re confident they’ll cross the finish line. It’s not about being perfect it’s about completion and, pacing one self with one foot in front of the other. Sometimes the writing process hurts, the hours of writing can be long. When I add up the brain storming process, writing and editing. After my work is done, it feels good to know my words are published and I’m consistently working on this skill that helps me accurately interpret my emotions.
My father shared with me an analogy/story that remains with me when I think about completing a task:
You must finish the race T. I’ve seen you sign up for a race and then you’re so close to finishing and you quit. The race may require you to push a little longer, it may require you to purchase and wear the correct shoes and clothing. When you choose to quit— you forfeit the opportunity to know what’s its like to complete a marathon. To gain something you’ve never had you must be willing to do things you’ve never done. So baby, I will cheer you on, I’m your biggest supporter. But in the end you must be willing to stick to it, bust your bum if you need to, get back up again and finish the darn thing you set out to do. Then, and only then will you know what it takes to finish a race and then you can speak on it and you will never fear a marathon. You can fearlessly say, what’s next?”
I’ll apply the need to be a published writer part of my marathon. I’m in it now, I’m starting again and sometimes I stop in the middle. I go strong first and I sit down and take a sip of water. I want to be a marathon writer, and a courageous unapologetic one. I want to sweat and know what it feels like to finish a race even if the race is competing against myself. Because done is better than perfect.