I really ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅɪɴɢ,
Sometimes I say 𝓕𝓾𝓬𝓴.
And in my world, that’s a dirty word for the non believers.
I’m suppose to be different, chosen, peculiar.
You can take that and sit on it.
I want to sit and mingle with everyone, the ones they call the weirdos, rebels, misunderstood and forgotten.
That’s the weight I’ve carried… because I’ve never really fit anywhere. I’m just really good at adapting and helping you feel comfortable. It’s so painful seeing you pretending too, I feel like we so badly want to keep it real and receive a no strings attached hug.
I strongly dislike being vulnerable and admitting that some sick shit happened to me at church, and I’ve done some things that I thought were completely unforgivable.
I’ve never wanted pity, I also don’t want to show up at church so you can talk about my short dress and heels. All I’ve ever wanted was to be loved me…
So that’s my mission to: love myself so deeply, forgive myself daily, be not ashamed of the life I’ve chosen and use my story to help others feel that you’re not alone. I’m in it, don’t let the crisp clothing fool you. I struggle daily.
I could’ve been dead but I’m still standing,
The pills I swallowed didn’t kill me, I’m still standing,
They me raped mentally, spiritually and physically and I’m still standing.
They called me a whore in church and smiled in my face.
I sang and cried at that same pulpit, I’m still standing.
There’s enough mercy and grace for me…
The transformation of a resilient lady is not complete 🌿