I simply want to share without the focus of format, hope it’s easy to follow along.
Saturday morning I relaxed at home, called my Mum, budgeted, and prepared to meet up with new friends. I got a few errands done midday, with the goal to sell some audio equipment.
The part I dislike the most about donating and selling unused items is the shame of spending money and not being about to earn a worthy profit from the resale. Then it feels like I disappointed and fooled myself into believing that I’d become the thing that I purchased. As if wearing designer clothes makes you a fashion model or influencer. As if the person I imagined I would be, only exists when the commercial begins and ends, poof the magic is gone. I use to imagine myself as a professional singer. But things have changed, I’ve rearranged my priorities and I want a career that focuses on service, guiding young individuals with life skills.
That’s the point, things have changed. And soon, my location will change and so will my job, and my habits. Sometimes the things we have in our home have nothing to do with who we are today. If I think about the thoughts I had before March 2020, I’m totally different now. I have so much excess, too many cleaning supplies, clothing, the things are bursting out the seams and I can’t keep up with it.
I’m reminding myself here, it’s okay to let go of yesterday. It’s okay to pause, rethink my purchases and leave the store empty handed. It’s okay to have just enough and sometimes go without for a few day’s. I’m learning that delaying self gratification, is necessary. The wait is worth it.
As I’m letting go of the items in my home, I’m encouraged & challenge myself to purchase less especially during times of stress, depression or anxiety that’s usually when I purchase the most things to feel less alone.
Today I felt less alone meeting to talk with Jess & Jordan, such a lovely couple. It was a reminder that what’s most important is relationships within my community, the conversations we have, sharing food, and laughter like rays of sunshine, I’ll never forget.
The most important message from this post that I hope all readers remember, your hair is good hair.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
I’m pro, do what is best for you on this page, always. My choice to go natural was for me, no manipulation involved, simply the desire to embrace my natural self back in 2010. I treat my peers the same way, I wouldn’t recommend going natural for every individual because it takes time and total re-education and paradigm shift, it must be your choice at the best timing.
When I choose to wear my natural, shave my hair into an undercut, and buzz cut my hair, it often feels like I’m saying F the system and the cultural norms. My preference now, aligns with minimalism and effortless elegance.
When I cut my natural hair, my relatives who have been fully invested in my hair and combed my hair while I sat between their legs on a stool or pillow, felt the loss, as I casually let go of my hair. Adopting minimalism means focusing what I find valuable and letting go of the excess, so no more hair extensions and twisting my hair for 2-4 hours a week. However, I understand people have an opinion and need time to experience moments of grief.
As a child I had long hair but I didn’t like it even though many people had positive reactions. However I didn’t love it, it was a task, hair that looked beautiful when done but the process of combing and maintaining it sounded like a marathon, a lengthy dreadful experience with a sigh of relief or satisfaction that the work of art was done. I had a tender scalp and would cry, flinch, and scream when combed especially when my hair was dry. I could feel every single separation of strands and combs of my Afro.
I made the decision at age 13 that I wanted to chemically alter my hair with a permanent relaxer aka lye. I got it done at a Salon every 2-3 months. It would alter my puffy curly Afro into a permanently straight hair and those visits were maintaining the new growth so my hair would lay flat. I assumed this change would make me popular amongst my peers, instantly confident, and independent with my hair care. I was an early teen then and my hair was a protected cloak that covered me.
“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.”
I’ve heard many teens share their woes about their afro hair as burdensome and ugly. I often affirm them and think, oh wow, they don’t know how beautiful they are? And neither did I. These comments are even heard in groups of older black women, even my own circles. Even as we age, our hair texture and volume changes. Once upon a time I wanted longer hair, I was obsessed about it. I want to prove to the world that black women could grow long hair and I was going to be the proof. Well it was too much a burden to bear, before leaving for college around 2010, I cut my hair and started the journey of natural hair. I’ve cut my hair 3 times total from then till now.
I’ve learned that I prefer creative expression, style and low maintenance more than hair length. It’s so important for me to know that I am beautiful no matter what I wear. It’s important for me to feel self conscious, to embrace vulnerability and breathe through it. With the low hair cut that I have, I understand it’s not for everyone, it’s for me. It forces me to be confident because that’s my only choice, to rise up and show up as I am. When my confidence is not in my hair, it has to be within, it has to be my energy and spirit and that is tough. As I work on inner peace and confidence, I often look in the mirror and encourage myself with song, dance and repetitive uplift mantras.
I See You.
You go BéBè.
I am beautiful.
I am sensual, incredible, I rock.
I am enough.
I am not my hair, my skin, my clothes.
I am confident and embrace my choices, my feelings and my journey.
Look at yourself in the mirror and accept the body you have, naked and free to be.
Choose whatever makes you happy & confident.
Make alterations that are feasible and reflect the image you want to portray.
Learn your hair: texture, porosity, seek professional hair care/styling if needed.
Research styles – Pinterest, YouTube, Browse Online.
When I don’t know what to do or where to start I find my answers in the quiet. I find that my overthinking lowers in volume while doing ordinary things, and while talking to myself, I find the solutions.